we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
