I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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