I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you're hired as official boob wrangler
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
