The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize