y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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