If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this boner is exhausting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
