Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My hand turned me down
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
