i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
