got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
