Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
