she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
