can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
