i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
