You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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