the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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