ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
