I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
