So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
