she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
