I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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