HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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