Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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