the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
