i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
