I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
