I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
