just tell him i said nine months
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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