hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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