apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
