She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm too high and old for this...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
