i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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