there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
