my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
