i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
