Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
