Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
