dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize