It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
