There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
