Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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