a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
