So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
