They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
