Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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