Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
