??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
