I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
