I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
