It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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