whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
