i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
