Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
