rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
