we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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