Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
