You work out of a Hotel?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
