I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
