Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
