Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
