I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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