you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
