problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
