So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
