So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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