So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
