just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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