I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
