Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
