No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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