He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
