then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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