i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
